Written by Laura Josephine.

In the novel I started writing for NaNoWriMo (as yet untitled), I wanted to create a perfectly stereotyped character and then build on it. Andi was supposed to just be a writing prompt. I wasn’t going to include her at all, or if I was, it was only going to be a small chapter or a passing reference. Fortunately, she did not want to be silenced.

The storyline in a nutshell is based around these creatures who call themselves angels. They are extra-terrestrial parasites using our ideals of religion and their intimidating nature to feed on our dead. Andi insisted on making friends with an angel, and in doing so became the centre of the entire story.

As you should pick up from the interview, Andi is a stripper who accidently killed her father. Her angel friend is called Mati, or Mathuiundi and her sister is Lacey, both of whom are mentioned in the below interview.

Under the spotlight – Andi Stevens

If you were a tree, or animal, what kind would you be?

A peacock or a flamingo. Look at me. I’m fabulous!

If you were a Star Trek (or Star Wars) character, which one would it be?

Leia? I don’t know enough about them but I understand females are few and far between.

What is your favourite colour?

I look best in white. And I like the irony. Actually, most of my favourite things are white. My sisters hair is very close. White roses are my favourite flower. The books I swear I’ll read someday have white pages. White is clean.

You are invited to a large cocktail party at a country club. When you arrive, the room where the party is being held is already over half full of people. How do they react to you when you enter the room?

With this body? They fall silent, they hope I’m not what they know I am. If I’m invited, there isn’t a chance it isn’t to look stunning on a very wealthy man’s arm. Don’t look at me like that! I wouldn’t do what you’re assuming for any amount of money. Some people are lonely and everyone wants to look good. And I make a very charming rented girlfriend.

What would I find in your refrigerator right now?

Oh, I haven’t done my shopping for a few days, I know I need to! I always have cheese – the sharp, crumbly type is my favourite. Couldn’t live without bread and milk. Though the bread doesn’t go in the fridge… I’m trying to think! I don’t have any meat in there at the moment, because like I say, I need to go shopping… But a few vegies, juice, normal stuff. I love cooking.

What is the last book your read?

Does it count if it was read to me? Mati is reading me the first Harry Potter book right now. He’s going through the most famous books of all time. He’d go much faster if he didn’t read aloud, but I think it makes him enjoy it more.

If you could trade places with any other person for a week, famous or not famous, living or dead, real or fictional, who would it be?

For a week? Everyone has little dramas that I would be totally ill-equipt to deal with. It would be very cool to be the queen. Hopefully during a week where not too much happened. I know she still does a lot and lots of people go to her for advice, but how lovely to be old, yet fit and full of power.

What was the last movie you went to see?

Oh, I love movies! But I just watch them at home mostly. The last movie I went out to see was Magic Mike. Not just because Channing Tatum was stripping, but it was really nice to see him not fitting the cliche. I mean, it’s based on his actual life! Strippers may not always achieve their movie star dreams, but he did.

If you could be a superhero, what would you want your Superpowers to be?

Invisibility.

If you were a car, what kind would you be?

I’d say an Aston Martin DB7, but that’s my daddy’s favourite and there’s not a chance he’s looking down on me with any sort of affection after I… put him up there.

What kind of people do you dislike?

The kind who make assumptions.

What makes you angry?

When someone hurts my sister. May she never have a boyfriend!

How many close friends do you have?

Mati and Lacey are the only ones I feel comfortable enough letting into my apartment. So I suppose two? And one is a 12 year old girl and the other is an alien from out of space who eats people to survive.

Are you a morning person or a night person?

Night. Obviously.

Autobots or Decepticons?

Right over the top of my head there!

It’s from Transformers.

Do you actually know a girl who has watched that for reasons that weren’t to impress a boy or to look enviously at Megan Fox?

What was your favourite childhood television programme?

Hi5!

What is usually your first thought when you wake up?

I don’t have any thoughts until I’ve had a cup of coffee. Except for “I might become a serial killer if I don’t get coffee right now” and “that is in incredibly bad taste considering my past”.

What do you usually think about right before falling asleep?

I try and think positive, but if my last thoughts aren’t Vietnam style flashbacks, they’re dwelling on the losers at work.

Do you believe in extra-terrestrials or life on other planets?

Is that supposed to be a joke? My roommate is an alien.

Do you believe in ghosts?

Why not?

Name one regret.

Killing my father would be an obvious one. And sharing too much with Lacey. She’s just a little kid, she doesn’t need to hear all about my issues.

Name one thing you miss about being a kid?

I didn’t realise that not having a penis was my biggest downfall.

Name one thing you love about being an adult?

I’m sexy and I know it.

What’s your favourite thing to do on a Sunday afternoon?

Listen to Mati read. Sometimes I work, it’s weird how busy a strip club is right after church.

Do you have any hidden talents?

Come to my show and I might show you!

Name one thing not many people know about you.

I haven’t had a boyfriend since I was 15.

If you HAD to change your name, what would you change it to?

Rose? I don’t know something pretty. Something that didn’t remind me how much my father wanted me to be a boy.

Do you believe in the afterlife?

One life is enough.

Any last comments?

Sorry for all the daddy-issue jokes. Apparently humour is a coping mechanism.

One thought on “Andrea Stevens (Andi)

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